i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
