you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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