I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
