TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
