I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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