i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
