I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
