Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
