I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
