Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
