I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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