You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
More tranny stories later!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
