Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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