can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
