and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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