who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
