I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
