I want to stick my p in your. b.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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