I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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