So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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