She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
