So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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