OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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