I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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