just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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