why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
