I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
