I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
