i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
