Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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