I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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