Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
