The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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