I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
