We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
