she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
