I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
