Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
