Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
