Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
