you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
