he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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