this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
