After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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