Jerry, you need to find god
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
