I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
