how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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