Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
