so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
