Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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