i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
