And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
