LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
