so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
