I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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