Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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