I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
