Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
