If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
