One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Too much gin, very little bucket
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
