I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
